Post-relevance

I used to be very worried about what people thought of me. About my place in the ecosystem. Did people think I was doing cool work? Did the right people think I was doing cool work? Did my stuff measure up to the people I respect the most? Would I ever make a difference? Would I ever have a hit? Was I relevant?

It tore me apart. I spent many, many years feeling fundamentally insecure about my work, and often unable to enjoy it fully. Like, I would enjoy it … but I also often felt “less than” about it. It was both at once; I existed in a conflicted, liminal space.

But I kept aging, and I kept working, and two things happened in parallel: I got better, and also I stopped caring as much what people thought. (Not caring as much what people think is one of the true blessings of aging.) Shannon and I kept doing our thing, and fine-tuning it ever more precisely, and we got better at that too.

And somewhere in there, I kind of stopped giving a shit? Like, I realized recently that I just don’t particularly care if people like my work. I like my work, and I am extremely passionate about it, and I love doing it. But I don’t have to have everyone’s approval. I can choose not to work with people who don’t appreciate my work properly, and I can work very hard with the people I do want to work with, to find a happy fit between what I do and what they need.

And I can be joyful about all of it, including the parts that a previous version of me would have interpreted as rejection.

Honestly, looking back at the timing of all this, I think that when I stopped giving a shit is when I started thriving. I don’t mean, like, I started being a dick, or stopped giving my all — I mean in terms of being able to separate my sense of self-worth from people liking what I do. Or not liking it, or ignoring it, or misunderstanding it. I can just … let … go.

And, having let go, I notice now that it seems like there’s more space for the universe to bring me projects to which I can bring the best version of myself. Funny how that works.

I think there’s a huge lesson in there. One that I wish I had learned decades earlier. So I thought I would share it here with you. 😊

Namaste, motherfucker — jamie